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Tips on Performing


Robert W. Birch, Ph.D., Sexologist & Adult Sexuality Educator
I will begin with a list of obvious facts:

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Before saying more about fellatio, let me share this e-mail from a very creative and sensual woman:

I love to warm salad oil and drizzle it down the shaft of my partner’s erection. Then placing his shaft between my two hands, I use a sensual, circular, massage motion with both of my thumbs from the base of the shaft up, concentrating on the sensitive underside. The glide is so very erotic for both of us. For me, this is part of a full body massage I'd give my partner, using many methods to tease and bring him to the edge. Of course there's much more to my technique; all of which is very delicious. It's so pleasurable to give this to a man; to watch the deep excitement grow inside of him as his body reacts to my touch. I can't explain how arousing this is to me.

Remember, as evident in the above, an important key to providing exquisite pleasure to a partner, manually or orally, is to find excitement in the process of giving!

Let's begin by talking about penises,
the object of the fellator's mental and physical attention!

fellatio erection

By now it is obvious to most women that penises are not all the same, no more than are men's noses. Race and nationality will, of course, influence skin colors and tones, and hair color, texture and distribution will differ as well. In addition to coming in all varieties of sizes, shapes and angles, not all penises are of the same sensitivity. This accounts, in part, for why it is easier for some men to ejaculate during fellatio than it is for others. It can be argued, however, that in addition to his biology, this variation in ease of orgasm also has something to do with the man's psychology. Then, of course, there is the issue of the fellator's technique.

The penis has acquired many names over the years:  cock, prick, dick and dong, just to mention a few of the most common. Remember, it is a misnomer to call the penis the "love muscle." It is not a muscle! Although often called a "boner," it is obviously not a bone, The penis contains three bundles of spongy erectile tissue, and during sexual excitement these bundles fill with blood. The amount of blood determines the hardness of the erection, but only to a small extent its size, for every penis has its limit, even when rock hard. If the penis does not get enough blood or it is not pumping in fast enough, the erection will be unstable and easily lost. Once a "secure erection" is obtained, the blood is essentially locked in until after the owner ejaculates or eventually loses his excitement.

Many women enjoy taking a soft penis into their mouth and feeling it begin to expand and firm up. However, a woman must remember that not all of the erection is outside a man's body. The erectile tissue runs into the body, extending behind the man's testicles. It is this inner extension that allows the erection to lift to horizontal and often beyond. Each man will display his own unique angle of erection. A woman can often feel the ridge of swollen erectile tissue behind the testicles, and with most every men this area (the perineum) is sensitive and responsive to the light stroking of fingertips or the tip of the tongue.

During arousal, a man's scrotum (the sack containing his "balls" or testicles) will thicken and shrink, pulling the sack and testicles up tight against his body. With some men it might seem that his testicles have been pulled up to either side of the base of his erection.

Now some comments on penile sensitivity

There are some general comments that can be made about penile sensitivity.
  1. The softer underside of an erection shaft is usually more sensitive than the sides or top.
  2. The head (clinically called the glans penis) is generally more sensitive than the shaft.
  3. Of the head, the rim around it is far more sensitive than the tip of it.
  4. Perhaps the most sensitive spot is the area known as the frenulum or the frenum.
  5. Frenum of the Male Erection
    Most men would agree that it is both this flap of skin and inverted V of the head's rim that combine to make this such a favorite spot. It is interesting that with so much importance, it has never accumulated all the "street" names given the penis.
    The woman who identifies herself as Taylor and who has written the book titled "You Want Me to Do What?" has claimed it as her discovery, naming it The Taylor Spot. It's sensitivity, however, has long been known.
    Read more about the frenulum.

So . . . what can we begin to put together now as advice for giving good head?
  • It is always best when there is time to explore, to talk and to enjoy, although a quick blow job in the back seat of a car can be exciting. Novelty is the spice of life (and fellatio).
  • Think first of checking out the guy's nipples. Some men do not like them licked, or sucked, but other men love it. Explore briefly and then ask that new partner if he wants more.
  • blow-job
  • Warm the head of his penis with your breath. This is a sensual way of saying "hello."
  • Use your tongue then for long licks along the underside of the penis.
  • Spend extra time licking and pressing your tongue into the area of the frenulum.
  • Vary your approach. A gentle kiss and a slow gentle approach is a nice change.
  • blow job
  • Remember that the head is more sensitive than the shaft. Take it in your mouth and swirl your tongue around the rim.
  • Most women can't "deep throat" an erection, so be curious, but cautious.
  • Do not suck real hard. Some suction is good, but to "suck a guy off" is more a figure of speech than a guaranteed technique.

OK . . . you are not going to blow and you are not going to suck!
  • I have already said to be creative with the head of the penis. (Some will be larger than the shaft, some smaller.)
  • Visit the frenulum often. (Might have to search a bit on some  uncircumcised penises.)
  • Keep a lot of saliva in your mouth . . . men love wet slippery cavities.
  • After playing briefly with the head, slide your mouth down the shaft.
  • Use your hand at the base of the penis if you cannot take it all in. Let your saliva lurbicate your manual stroking.
  • Be fairly light as you go down, firmer as you come up.
  • Switch . . . fairly firm going down, lighter coming up.
  • Variety is nice, so swirl, swish, lap and lick. Vary speed and firmness.
  • With fingertips, tickle behind the man's testicles . . . also remembering that it is a good area to lick.
  • The perineum behind the testicles been mislabeled the Male G-Spot . . . but try firm pressure in that area that is the "buried" base of the erection.
  • With the aroused scrotum pulled up, you can be a bit firmer in caressing the testicles.
Above all else, be enthusiastic!
  • Enjoy that feeling in our mouth and rejoice in the pleasure you are giving.
  • Be noisy. Let your sounds tell the man how much you are enjoying him.
  • When your mouth is not full, ask him for his suggestions.
The big question . . . to spit or swallow?
  • This should be the woman's choice.
  • It is OK to stop even before the man ejaculates.
  • Try performing fellatio with the man wearing a condom.
Fellatio with a condom?

        Some women are not fond of accepting a man’s ejaculate in their mouths at his climax of her oral pleasuring. Here’s a tip for such women: Perform your fellatio slowly, adding great variety as you tease the man to a high pitch, stopping short, however, of his point of no return. Squirt several drops of a lubricant like  iAstroglidento the end of a dry condom so when you lay the condom on top of the eager erection, the lubrication will be on the inside. Manually roll the condom down over the head of his penis with your fingers, but then use your mouth to push it down to the base. Now get serious with your blow job, keeping enough pressure on the condom so that it slides with your mouth. The man will experience a warm slippery feeling and . . . well we know where that will end. The results of his orgasm will be in the condom, however, and not in your mouth. You can experience the explosion and expulsion without worrying about your taste buds . . . unless of course your guy tastes better than the taste of a latex rubber!

Wondering about that clear sticky fluid called the pre-ejaculate or pre-cum? Go here to learn more.

Have comments, questions or suggestions? I'd love to hear them. E-mail me at

blow job One of the very first "sex manuals" that was sold openly in book stores back in 1971 was "The Sensous Woman" described what she called "The Butterfly Flick." by "J." In the book the anonymous author described how the performer of the flick should approach the erect penis from the side, place her mouth over the frenulum area and flick her tongue back and forth quickly from side to side over that tender flap of skin.

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From a reader:

Dear Dr. Birch,

I'm writing to thank you for the on-line article "Tips on Performing Fellatio." My husband and I are in our 70s (he, 3 months short of age 80.) Our sexual life has certainly faded over the last several years, but I recently thought we should try to find a way to resurrect it. He believed he was no longer able to climax and that he would talk to his doctor about Viagra if I wished him to. I felt I could be happy with whatever he was able to perform. Yesterday I read your article, and believed I could follow your tips, especially those regarding sensitivity of the frenulum.

After 45 minutes of intimate lovemaking, his erection was still soft. We decided to go back to sleep for an hour. As we were getting up from bed I decided to stroke his penis for a short while. He suddenly suggested a change of body positions; in less than two minutes he had a secure erection and then an ejaculation; I was so pleased that he had this wonderful pleasure. We were both so happy, and I loved the procedure that you outlined to cause this happiness for him.

Perhaps now we will forget about Viagra, as well as the many massage creams & lotions that are touted on the internet.

Thank you so much; I am so glad I found your article.

Sincerely, Theresa (age 73)


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Dr. Birch, in an eight page article titled, YOU WANT HER TO DO WHAT? offers tips for the men who are on the receiving end of the woman's oral gift. Oral sex involves both a giver and a receiver. Learn of the man's role in receiving fellatio, and what he can do to insure that his partner enjoys giving as much as he enjoys getting!

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In that Moment
It was a familiar taste,
flavored with the spice of excitement.
It was at once the same as I have known,
but erotically fresh
and sensually novel.
My appetite had been stirred
and my mouth yearned
to be filled with your essence –
my hunger, as yours,
would find satisfaction in your orgasm.
Take my gift
and know of the joy this giver shares,
for in your pleasure I will find mine
and in that exquisite moment of ecstasy
we will be together as one.
                  © 2004  Robert Birch

Dr. Birch writes poetry, both naughty and nice, both in free verse and rhyme. For more information and poems, go to

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