Currently there is a lot of emphasis and a lot of junk mail on the topic of penis size. “Add 3 inches,” the e-mails guarantee. This, it is claimed, can be accomplished by taking a pill, using a pump, or doing an exercise. However, there is not one shred of scientific or clinical evidence that any of these things really work! A man can no more change the size of his schlong than he can the size of his nose. The emphasis on penis size does accomplish a number of things, however: It makes a lot of men feel inferior. It gives a lot of false hope. It costs some men a lot of money, and it makes a fortune for the makers of those “magical” pumps, pills and other expensive but useless products.
            Longer better, fatter best? Is all a matter of experience, attitude, preference and fit. Vaginas, like penises and ears and every other body part, come in a variety of shapes and sizes. The average non-aroused vagina is only about three and a half inches deep. Remember, a gynecologist can touch a cervix with his or her finger. There is about a half inch beyond the cervix (the "cul de sac" called the fornix). See the cross section diagram of the female sexual anatomy.

            As a woman becomes aroused, her vagina will lubricate, open up, and extend, but when aroused it lengthens by no more than an additional half inch. The vagina, however, is quite elastic and stretches, although every woman has a threshold beyond which she will begin to experience pain. The average erection is about 6 inches long (five and a half to six and a half inches). Bigger than average is not always better. It is all a matter of fit, and a misfit happens when a vagina or penis is small, or a vagina or penis is big and the corresponding part of the partner is at the opposite end of the continuum.
            Sure, some women love big penises, but other women avoid them like the plague. Still there is probably a good fit for just about everyone. All too often, however, it is not until after the first sexual encounter that one discovers he or she does not fit well. It also happens, however, that a couple that has delayed sexual play does not realize their mismatch until they have become emotionally involved and have spent considerable time together.
            By now one should be asking, "How should one evaluate a sexual encounter?" Should it be based on the physical compatibility of genitals? Where does the quality of oral sex fit in, and the value of sensual touch? What value would you place on erotic talk, on the sharing of fantasy, on the openness of sexual expression? Clearly, the act of penile-vaginal intercourse is important, but is that really what it is all about?
Some women believe they are not reaching orgasm during intercourse because of the small size of their partner’s erection, and a lot of men think if they were better endowed, they could bring their partner to orgasm by thrusting into their vagina . . . the "pole and the hole" concept of sexuality. Statistically, however, the majority of women never ever reach orgasm during intercourse and the majority of men could bang their erections on a tree stump and still come! Intercourse works very well for most men, but it is far less effective for most women. Women generally know what works and does not work for them, and a woman who is orgasmic during intercourse is likely to think that all women should get off that way. Women who can accommodate and enjoy a big partner might think all women would do better with a big partner. Even if that were true, there would not be enough big men to go around, and the man with smaller penises cannot change them!
            Without worrying about penis size, there are ways to increase the likelihood of a woman reaching orgasm during penile/vaginal thrusting. Most women have far greater sensitivity in their clitoris than they do in their G Spot and certainly more than in their cervix (if they still have one). The act of intercourse will not bring 65% of all orgasmic women to orgasm because in most positions there just is not enough clitoral stimulation. The missionary position, with the man down low between the women’s legs, gives him a straight shot into the vaginal opening . . . but the woman’s clitoris is a half inch, more or less, above that heavenly portal. The photograph below clearly demonstrates the distance between the clitoris and the entrance to the vagina.

            The suggestions for increasing a woman’s potential for orgasms during of intercourse are found on this site in the article titled “Simultaneous Orgasms.” These can also be found in the book Pathways to Pleasure: A Woman’s Guide to Orgasm.

© 2004  Robert W. Birch, Ph.D., Certified Sexologist & Adult Sexuality Educator    
(Retired Marital & Sex Therapist)
Questions, comments or different perspectives, write to Dr. Birch at oralcaress@aol.com.

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