BEING A SUCCESSFUL LOVER WITH A SHORT PENIS
Question:
Can I have successful sex with a 4.5 inch long penis??
Answer:
In answering your question we must begin with another question. What is successful sex? If successful sex means being about to produce a pregnancy, then yes, a penis of that size can do the job. If successful sex means receiving pleasure, then of course a 4.5 inch penis can give its owner pleasure. If it means giving a woman pleasure, I will remind you that a woman can receive pleasure with manual and oral stimulation, not just intercourse. Regardless of the size of a man’s penis, if he does not know all the ways to pleasure his partner, he will not be successful.
If successful sex means bringing a woman to orgasm during intercourse, then I am reminded of the woman who claimed she was not having orgasms, but when questioned she acknowledged being able to climax with oral and manual stimulation. When I then said she was indeed orgasmic, she replied, “But I’m not having them the right way!” It is unwise for any lover, male or female, to assume there is only one way to find sexual gratification. There is no right way. Each couple must find what works best for them.
But, if the question is about bringing a woman to orgasm during intercourse, the answer is most women never do reach orgasm during intercourse, regardless of the size of the man’s penis. Sometimes this is because the man reaches orgasm too quickly, but the main reason is that a woman’s vagina is not nearly as erotically sensitive as her clitoris. In the most commonly used positions of intercourse the clitoris is completely missed!
The positions I will recommend are based on the “coital alignment techniques” (or CAT positions) recommended by sexologist Edward Eichel. The goal is to use a position that gets the penis rubbing against the clitoris, or the other way around if the woman is in control. Think of the usual “missionary position.” The woman is on her back with her legs spread wide and bent at the knees. Often she will roll her hips up or have a pillow under her buttocks. The man has a straight shot into the vaginal opening and many are inclined to then thrust rapidly. It has been joked that the missionaries recommended the position for procreation, not recreation, because the man could only sin briefly while making a baby and the woman would hardly sin at all as she passively receives his seed.
Eichel recommended that after penetration, the woman should keep her legs flat. The man should bring himself high up on the woman’s body, so that his penis is against her clitoris. Staying closer together, the couple should then rock their hips, making short synchronized thrusts. The shorter thrusts will help the man delay his ejaculation and the clitoral stimulation will hurry the woman on toward her orgasm.
I like to recommend an alternative position. In this position the man is on his back and the woman straddles him, guiding his penis into her vagina. She then leans forward and without lifting her body from him slides not up and down, but back and forth. As she slides back, she is rubbing her clitoris along the shaft of her partner’s erection. He does not move, allow the woman to set the pace, and with his immobility and her short strokes, he will remain in good control. With his hands on her hips feeling her power and his eyes on her breasts watching them in motion, he is a happy, though passive, participant. Often in this position the woman will orgasm before the man. Once down off her orgasmic high, she could lift her body allowing the man to thrust up into her or they could change to a position of his choice. Now, that sounds like sexual success and in that position many women would complain of a penis that is too long, rather than one that is short. Stay positive and creative and explore all the options for giving and receiving pleasure.
Robert W. Birch, Ph.D., ACS Certified Sexologist
A Guide to Female Orgasms During Intercourse
Illustrated Instruction
The Coital Alignment Positions Made Simple
byRobert W. Birch, Ph.D.
ACS Certified SexologistRetired Marital & Sex Therapist
The majority of women are unable to reach orgasm during intercourse, simultaneous or otherwise. This is not because it is impossible, but generally is the result of using ineffective positions. Based on years of study and clinical practice, Dr. Birch has put together an easy to understand illustrated guide to the best positions for a woman to receive clitoral stimulation and achieve orgasm. These are the Coital Alignment or CAT positions made simple.This information is available on CD as a .pdf document that can be opened to read on a computer monitor screen or printed out.
This CD contains the 7 page article with 11 illustrations on positions of intercourse that will work best in bring a woman to orgasm. The positions also increase the possibility that a couple can learn to experience simultaneous orgasms during intercourse.In addition, the illustrated 7 page article on using vibrators during intercourse is included. The color illustrations on this disc are crisp. Illustrated mention is also made of using a vibrator on a man.
This CD is priced at $6.00 and this includes Priority Mailpostage and handling.
This .pdf file is also available as an e-Article. Order for only $2.50 (and no postage) and the file will be sent as an e-mail attachment. A second illustrated article is included, this once showing the positions in which a vibrator can be use during intercourse. Download these two articles onto your computer to read or to print.
CHECK OUT THESE PAGES ALSO: Simultaneous and Simultaneous Orgasms
BIGGER IS NOT ALWAYS BETTER
TOO BIG
A Guide for Coping when Pain Replaces Pleasure
by
Robert W. Birch, Ph.D.
Retired Sex Therapist
It is no laughing matter when intercourse is painful. When there is discomfort and not erotic pleasure, anxiety builds and additional problems might develop, such as the unconscious tightening of the muscles surround the vaginal opening (a condition known as vaginismus). Quite often, however, a tight vagina is not the problem, it is the size of the penis. Bigger is not always better and sometimes there is not a comfortable fit because the penis is too long, too thick or both.
There are ways to cope, adjustments that can be made and alternatives to be explored. This low cost book costs only $8.95, plus $5.00 for Priority Mail shipment, but it is worth a million if there has been pain, anxiety and avoidance.
ASK DR. BIRCH YOUR QUESTION
If you have questions or concerns about your sexuality, you are invited to e-mail them to Dr. Birch. Remember, brief responses over the internet are not the equivalent of face to face therapy or counseling with a qualified health or mental health professional. However, accurate information or a few concrete suggestions may at times be helpful... so there is no harm in asking.
Before asking a question, check out all the FREE articles on this site...
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E-mail your questions to Dr. Birch
Dr. Birch will provide a prompt response to your questions at no cost. These will be limited to one or two e-mails targeting your specific concern.
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